Could you please tell me: which icons, or prayers, can help in my situation: I am 30 years old and I have never been married. It is not that I want to be like all the other people, but this is simply my inside need – to have my own family and to live with my husband in love and harmony. I pray to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg, I know the simplest prayer of virgin for a marriage and I read it, I also pray to different Saints in my own words – but nothing is happening. Could you please help me?

You want everything to be like you want. Maybe the Lord has a different Providence for you? Maybe He has prepared something different for you? Or maybe, He is just purely waiting for you to calm down and to not insist on fulfilling your own will, but to put your hope on Him. You should calm down, and then maybe the Lord will send you someone.

In 2003 I was diagnosed with blood cancer. I found out that the relics of St. Matrona are in Moscow. I started going there, I was waiting in the long queues, and I started feeling better, both in terms of health and soul. I accidentally went to the podvorje of the Valaam monastery in Moscow and listened with great pleasure to all the church songs. I liked that so much that I started going to podvorje for every single service. Everything was normal, and then something happened and I stopped going to church that often. My health has gone bad again, in the evening I have thoughts about going to church in the morning, but I wake up in the morning without any will to do this. I became really grumpy and I shout quite a lot. I have not lost my faith in God, I believe in Him with my whole heart, but there is an obstacle between me and church. Maybe the time has come to die. Could you please tell me what I should do?

It is bad if you do not go to church. That obstacle is not put by the Lord, but by the enemy of your salvation. He wants to destroy you and this is the reason why he is trying in many ways to separate you from the source of your salvation, and you listen to him. Try to force yourself, to make an effort, do not leave the church and you will see – you will benefit from that.

What is humility in the world (I have no spiritual father and I do not take blessing for anything)? Does humility require getting a blessing? Or is it acceptance of circumstances as they are, and not trying to change anything? Does one need to wait until life changes everything or to just accept the fact that nothing will change?

What you are saying is not completely correct. Humility does not require one to be passive. A humble man is not inactive at all. It is the biggest mistake to think that humility is a sweet voice and weak character. King David (Psalms) was a humble man, but that was not an obstacle for him to lead his country and fight wars. A humble person does that what they can and should. One does not stay humble in front of evil, but before God. If one sees that circumstances have been sent by God one calms down, and has peace inside. Other external circumstances do not confuse the soul, one is still humble. Humility also means to have a spiritual father and to ask for a blessing from him, but this is not compulsory. But if there are some spiritual fathers around you and you do not ask them for advice, and you just listen to your own mind – that is pride.

How does one retain a sense of awe? I still remember the first time I stepped into Church; I didn’t even want to breathe in order to not offend our Lord. How can I keep this feeling in myself?

How can you keep it? Like that, “live in fear not to offend the Lord”. But it is hard to believe that you will be able to do this. As far as I know, there is no human being who could have kept the grace they received for the first time. We should be ready to face the truth that this feeling will abandon us, and then the repentance is only what is left.

Could you please tell me what is confession and what is repentance?

To confess a sin means to announce it. Nowadays we do this in the Holy Confession to the priest, but before that was a public thing, before all the people. Repentance is a state of the soul.

I shall ask a question that might have been be asked many times already: I work with children who suffer from hard diseases (cancer), and I know the question sounds the same as with Dostoyevsky: Why are these children sick? and how can the people who work with them cope with this problem?

This is a hard question...It’s hard to give an answer. Our mind cannot comprehend this; it doesn’t want to accept this. It’s also hard to agree that the rule of evil which we witness every day, is something that has been given the approval of God. I can only speak out my mind. We live in this world and want justice here and now. Yet God’s perspective is different. God sees eternity, He sees it as a victory that we’ll get, by suffering in this world. Therefore the benefit, the aim is high up and huge. We should have strong faith, and believe in God. Very often, we make a mistake in our understanding to what we believe He actually means. Faith is not self-suggestion, ‘I gave myself a ground thought and there’s no doubt about it...’ that’s not a faith. Faith is seeking a future, better spiritual Godly world. People don’t often understand completely truly, the innocence of children. Children are not innocent because there is no passion in them, rather because their sins are judgeless. There are sins and their consequences in children. Afterwards, there is inheritance as well, not to be transferred from a father to the son, rather the son holds up his father’s grave, there’s no doubt about that. Why is that, I don’t know. These are Gods judgments. Perhaps, for the son’s prayer for his father to come to pass. Perhaps. Yet in any case, the judgment will be different for the person whose parents were devout, and for those whose parents were not. This is the judgment of God, and we should trust God.

Which Saints should I pray to, and what prayers I should read in addition of withstanding the taxmen?

It seems the best is to give alms. ‘Blessed the once who give alms, as they will be forgiven’. Help people in need, the people who are around you as they are sent by the Lord to you, to help you on your way. Be compassionate to your debtors and so on... Then you can obtain by prayers mercy for yourself from the Lord.

I am possessed; I lost everything I could possibly lose, all of my endless fears have materialized since. I confessed, I attended services of worship, I even underwent the exorcism to Father German. It was slightly better... Exorcism didn’t help a lot...What should I do next? I am now travelling to the Holy Land; I pray and commune.

You can’t fight this problem on your own, don’t you even dare to think about that. You should live church life: repentance and communion. There’s no other way. Then you will gradually feel relief. Yet, you would need quite a long period of time for this...years maybe. Calmness is the most important for you. And don’t despair. Your cross is heavy, but the Lord is leading you, and He won’t turn his back on you, even if it looks like that right now.

Can a layman understand the image of God? Saint John Damaskin said: God is beyond any comprehension and every subsistence – and, therefore, absolutely incomprehensible. Please tell me should we all try to achieve the essence of Divinity?

Achieving the essence of God is absolutely impossible. It was all written about in the books of Holy Fathers. We can only try to getting closer to God, as much as possible. On the way there lie all our passions/sins. As long as they are there, we cannot talk about any divinity. We have to fight our passions, that is our priority right now. As the level of the elimination of these passions increases so does the spiritual elements within us.

There is illness around us. That is as we all know, established by Lord, and we should accept it calmly. Is it right to fight the illness by using prescribed medicines, undergoing surgery, or other methods? Generally, what is the church’s view on the healing of the health of the body, not spiritual healing? Are these terms not related and can we achieve a spiritual perfection in illnesses and sufferings only?

No, illness is not given by Lord. Lord did not create it. Illnesses arrived with Adam and the Fall (of the Man). By continuously making sins, we attract illnesses to ourselves. Illness belongs to the fallen world, as does the death. The Lord hasn’t created illness, yet He allows its manifestations, as He sees a huge benefit in them for our souls. If illness has started, that means it was sent by the Lord. But a doctor and medicines are also given from the Lord, so we should undergo the healing process too. Nevertheless, we should not put all our hope onto doctors and medicines. We should always keep in mind that the Lord is above and beyond all of this. If we are healed, then we should praise the Lord! If not – we should endure, as it has to be that way.